The following is three excerpts from Greg Nagan's 'Five Minute Iliad: And Other Instant Classics.' As partially illustrated by random emoticons. (And there was much rejoicing.)
"Homer (no relation) was a blind poet who lived in Greece around the ninth or eighth century B.C., and, as a result of the curious Greek dating system, was apparently born about eighty years after he died."
"Ancient Greek civilization flowered around 500 B.C., at which point it became classic. Its eventual decline was the result of ouzo and philosophy , which might have been survived separately, but taken together proved too much."
"So as Hector came toward him, his terrible sword raised high,
Achilles aimed for the neck and threw -- and hit!
And the spear plunged through the skin,
and punctured the larynx, and shattered the vertebrae,
and severed the spinal cord. So much for Hector.
And Achilles took his corpse and tied it to his chariot,
then rode around the walls of Troy, dragging Hector in the dust,
and did doughnuts."
If you found any of that amusing (it SLAYS me) then you can read the entire first chapter (containing the above quotes) here: books.simonandschuster.net/Fiv…
Have fun. ^_^